Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Randomize
