I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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