I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
