so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
