Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
