Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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