I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
