I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
