He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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