Porn is love you can see.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
