I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
