im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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