he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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