I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
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