She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
