She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
