I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
