evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
