i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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