Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
