WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
