I think i sorta joined a cult last night
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
