Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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