Will you blow on my dice?
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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