birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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