i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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