wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize