I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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