For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize