booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
