I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You're breaking my sexual little heart
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
