Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
