Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
