Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
