Swine flu. Run for my life!
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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