Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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