True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
