So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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