this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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