I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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