i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
