I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
