You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
