:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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