he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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