swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
