6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
