just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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