No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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