she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
