You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize