I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
