I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
