butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
