So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
