Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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