What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
This is the high leading the old right now
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
