(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
