i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize