New invention idea: vibrating tampons
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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