What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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