it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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