I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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