Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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