Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
