Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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