It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
