she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
