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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
