if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
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