She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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