I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
