I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
