they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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