my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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