Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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