Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
