Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
