I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
